You're my little dorito
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
