I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
