mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
