I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
