yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
