It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
