Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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