So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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