forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Randomize
