I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
