Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Girls should come with a carfax report
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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