i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I AM VODKA MAN
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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