You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
