youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
