Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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