why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
