when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
