i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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