Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
