Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
