Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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