I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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