It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
