u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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