Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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