Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
