I saw his package. It spoke to me.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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