Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Randomize
