Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
