Heybabeimwearingurpanties
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
