mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
