I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
