Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
