Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
