I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
