god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
