if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
