this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
