I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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