We named our party play list daddy issues
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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