I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
