dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
