it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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