i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
