Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He passed out mid-signature
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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