she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
