You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
