I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
