Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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