I'm lost and stupid without you.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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