You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
